"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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