I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
