The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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