I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just pee around me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
