so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
