So drunk its hurt
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
