he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
