Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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