I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
