Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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