Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
