Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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