Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's always time for handjobs
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
