You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
