I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
