Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
