So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
