i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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