It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
