There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize