i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
