im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
