You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
