I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
