His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
did i just pee glitter
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize