well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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