shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
