the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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