There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
