Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
