The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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