I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
