I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
