So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
