dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sext me about skeletons
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
