I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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