Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I understand Curling. That high.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
