Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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