So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
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You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
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He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
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