note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
