either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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