Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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