He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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