dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
