I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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