I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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