i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
