when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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