My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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