a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
