I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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