She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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