Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
