So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
