waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
