Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
