I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize