IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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