That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
