I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
false alarm, still single
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
