In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
