He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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