Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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