Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
